and I’ve come out the other side.  

In a blink of an eye, my world came crashing down.  I heard the words I’m sorry there’s nothing else we can do. My daughter, my only child aged 24, was on life support and the Consultant had just told us that there wasn’t a single thing they could do to help. As a family we had a decision to make, whether to leave on or switch off her life support.

I had managed to keep it together when I was at her bedside, but I broke down when I walked in and saw the nurses lovingly painting her hands and feet and cutting a piece of her beautiful long hair, so we had some physical memory to take away.

Alexx my darling rascal died peacefully surrounded by love, on what was an ordinary day for many, in September. Our lives had just come crashing down. I was 48 years old.  When you’re in shock and traumatised, you don’t react the way you expect, on the day she died, I came home and wallpapered, and I did a great job.  My reaction might seem strange, but to me, it was just how it was. I had to do something practical and physical to prevent myself from falling apart. 

I had worked with many clients over the years and witnessed the deepest of pain, distress, and anguish. So, I was aware of what might lay in front of me. I wondered if this was going to be my total unravelling. I even pictured myself in a mental health institution. I had absolutely no idea how I was going to cope with what lay ahead. I think it’s fair to say, family and friends where probably thinking the same too.

I had absolutely no idea how to navigate myself through this, I had no idea how I would ever be able to enjoy life again. But I wanted to, I certainly didn’t want to live in misery for the rest of my life. What’s the point of that?